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#1252739 - 09/01/10 03:41 PM office tactics ...I need suggestions
ku_painter Offline
Pixel Gangster

Registered: 02/21/05
Loc: Rockin a dial-up connection
I'm on a project that is the super suck and 95% of it has to do with one of the customers/clients. I need some good suggestions for things to do to annoy her, but not get fired.

Here's what I am doing so far to annoy this person. We will call her B for illustration purposes:

1) When on phone calls with B, I tell her that I need to put her on hold for a sec.
I put her on hold and then take the bathroom break and hit the vending machine and then mosey back to my desk and get back on the phone.

2) E-mail delay -- When B emails, I take a minimum of 40 minutes to reply no matter how simple the question or the response. I also look at her Outlook calendar and try to time emails for right before she is going into a meeting. The delay feature in Outlook is awesome for helping with the delay.

Additionally on the email...no matter how simple the request, I make sure to email back and always ask for "further clarification". This basically constipates the whole development process, but can be explained away as being very detail oriented.

3) Instant Message--- When B pings me, I absolutely do not respond to her under any circumstances.



Looking for more clever ideas to annoy.....
_________________________
I listen to crappy indie music.

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#1252740 - 09/01/10 03:49 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: ku_painter]
larryb2 Offline
Am I Wrong?

Registered: 11/22/09
Loc: United Center
Keep burping on the phone. Of course say excuse me but then throw in a fart for good measure. Tell her you are super busy and have indegestion from all the interuptions.
_________________________
Please know there is a HUGE difference between disagreeing with someone and disrespecting someone.

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#1252741 - 09/01/10 03:50 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: ku_painter]
and_one Offline
Max Falkenstien

Registered: 06/19/09
Loc: Colorado
I have customers/clients like that....

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/6906851

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#1252742 - 09/01/10 03:56 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: and_one]
larryb2 Offline
Am I Wrong?

Registered: 11/22/09
Loc: United Center
Tell her you would like to meet up with her on the way back from seeing the doctor for what you think may be Meningitis or Malaria.
_________________________
Please know there is a HUGE difference between disagreeing with someone and disrespecting someone.

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#1252743 - 09/01/10 03:57 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: and_one]
Geezer Offline
To serve & protect

Registered: 01/08/06
Loc: JayhawkLaw office Lobby
LOL
_________________________
"Nice hands, Jess." Bill Self, Oct. 17, 2012


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#1252744 - 09/01/10 03:58 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: larryb2]
ku_painter Offline
Pixel Gangster

Registered: 02/21/05
Loc: Rockin a dial-up connection
Come on gutter, this is serious business. How you gonna pull off farting on (into) the phone unless you physically hold the phone up to your ass. This is assume of course that you do not have some weird talent you have not told us about ?
_________________________
I listen to crappy indie music.

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#1252745 - 09/01/10 04:09 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: ku_painter]
larryb2 Offline
Am I Wrong?

Registered: 11/22/09
Loc: United Center
I often fart out of my mouth.

Since you don't want to get fired and are representing a company the best advice I can give you is to try your best to deal with her. Probably easier said than done but what other choice do you have?
_________________________
Please know there is a HUGE difference between disagreeing with someone and disrespecting someone.

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#1252746 - 09/01/10 04:10 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: larryb2]
ku_painter Offline
Pixel Gangster

Registered: 02/21/05
Loc: Rockin a dial-up connection
Quote:

what other choice do you have?




This is why I started my thread
_________________________
I listen to crappy indie music.

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#1252747 - 09/01/10 04:13 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: ku_painter]
Geezer Offline
To serve & protect

Registered: 01/08/06
Loc: JayhawkLaw office Lobby
Get the project finished as soon as you can and move on.
_________________________
"Nice hands, Jess." Bill Self, Oct. 17, 2012


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#1252748 - 09/01/10 04:40 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: ku_painter]
unburnt_orange Offline
Crimson & Blue Blood

Registered: 01/06/05
Is this a joke? If you're serious and you want to keep this job, then IMO what you're doing is already a very bad idea...several very bad ideas...without adding even more bad ideas.
_________________________


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#1252749 - 09/01/10 04:54 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: unburnt_orange]
bpritchett Offline
Phog Fanatic

Registered: 06/24/05
Loc: Exile
I don't know. I've had clients who sent so many idiot messages (email, phone, skype, text) demanding an immediate response nothing ever got done. You had to prioritize for them, and that meant guarding your time -- one project phone call a day morning or evening, whatever made the most sense -- and hiding the rest of the time.

And then there was that one client who just needed a life outside the office, so we set them up with somebody. Nothing sleazy. Perfectly well intentioned, and it worked out pretty well for everybody involved.
_________________________
Whatever.

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#1252750 - 09/01/10 04:58 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: bpritchett]
unburnt_orange Offline
Crimson & Blue Blood

Registered: 01/06/05
I must be unfamiliar with this type of client. Most of mine have been doctors, and if I left one on hold for a "sec" while I mosied to the bathroom and vending machine, you'd hear the screams in Texas.
_________________________


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#1252751 - 09/01/10 05:12 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: unburnt_orange]
madcapper Offline
Crimson & Blue Blood

Registered: 10/13/04
Loc: center of nowhere
I'd fire you for dragging things out and being a nuisance.
_________________________
I had my cat neutered and now he's a liberal

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#1252752 - 09/01/10 06:03 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: ku_painter]
jensen Offline
Crimson & Blue Blood

Registered: 02/05/04
Loc: Charleston, SC
Walk over to her desk and clip your fingernails while asking her a question.

Start copying her superiors on your email replies.
_________________________
Bill Self: I�ll eat barbecue anytime. It makes no difference to me who prepares it, I�ll eat it.

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#1252753 - 09/01/10 06:15 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: ku_painter]
unburnt_orange Offline
Crimson & Blue Blood

Registered: 01/06/05
On the other hand, if your client is 5-10 go for it.
_________________________


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#1252754 - 09/01/10 06:45 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: larryb2]
sensei Offline
[censored] you

Registered: 01/12/06
Loc: East Lawrence represent!!!
Quote:

I often fart out of my mouth.



q4t

Usually ends up on your keyboard too.
_________________________
Not Sure

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#1252755 - 09/01/10 07:25 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: sensei]
larryb2 Offline
Am I Wrong?

Registered: 11/22/09
Loc: United Center
True! I love you Sensei!
_________________________
Please know there is a HUGE difference between disagreeing with someone and disrespecting someone.

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#1252756 - 09/01/10 07:28 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: larryb2]
theno1kufan Offline
Baby Jay

Registered: 04/09/09
Loc: Lawrence, KS
q4t?

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#1252757 - 09/01/10 09:58 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: theno1kufan]
jhawks99 Offline
Defense

Registered: 12/03/05
Loc: Rebounds
Constantly remind her of your MBA
_________________________
Defense. Rebounds.

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#1252758 - 09/02/10 12:41 AM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: jhawks99]
JHawkJR Offline
Big Dipper

Registered: 04/09/08
Loc: OPKS
there's a few good ones here...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NisCkxU544c
_________________________
Decade of Dominance

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#1252759 - 09/02/10 03:45 AM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: JHawkJR]
stumptownhawk Offline
Junior Jayhawk

Registered: 11/12/07
Loc: oregon
You could call her on your cell, tell her your getting a weak signal. Keep hanging up, say you lost the call. Blame it on the elevator.

Repeatedly tell her "your cutting out, could you say that again please."

Make sure to use a crappy wireless mike that makes everything sound like your on a speakerphone.

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#1252760 - 09/02/10 06:57 AM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: theno1kufan]
jayhawklaw Offline
Baby Jay

Registered: 02/02/08
Loc: Free State Lobby
Quote:

q4t?




n00b
_________________________
Am I not turtley enough for the turtle club?

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#1252761 - 09/02/10 07:44 AM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: jayhawklaw]
minhin Offline
Uh Oh

Registered: 02/20/08
Loc: ...in the warm sun
Laughing at this whole thing.
_________________________
"It isn't how fast a horse runs, it's how a horse runs fast" Appy

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#1252762 - 09/02/10 08:30 AM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: minhin]
Jayhawksfan942 Offline
Baby Jay

Registered: 11/08/06
Loc: I'd rather be in Lawrence
Have any of you ever tried the stapler in jello trick? I think that would be hilarious to see/do
_________________________
Pick up your F*n skateboard!

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#1252763 - 09/02/10 08:46 AM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: Jayhawksfan942]
hiker Offline
Baby Jay

Registered: 01/16/06
I once got a co-worker to quit their job after I put a dead goose in their van. I felt bad, considering it was my summer job and he'd been there for 20+ years. He was unhappy, so I probably did him a favor.

You could try to make peace by bringing her some coffee. As you set it down, say, "I hope you like cream" and give her a wink.

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#1252764 - 09/02/10 09:20 AM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: hiker]
jayheel Offline
Under New Management

Registered: 12/29/06
Loc: Spencer Basement
This reminds me of you, painter...

http://www.27bslash6.com/missy.html
_________________________
It's shame because hating on the Jayhawks means you hate the United States of America.

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#1252765 - 09/02/10 09:54 AM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: jayheel]
appyhawk Offline
Wilt Chamberlain

Registered: 05/17/04
Loc: Flint Hills
Painter, I don't understand the tactic to try to make things better by doing things to make them worse.
If you have a problem with her, why not explain to her what the problem is and why that problem is an impediment to your progress? Surely she would respond favorably to that...
_________________________
"Better to do less well than more poorly." Appy

www.cappersoverlay.com





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#1252766 - 09/02/10 10:12 AM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: appyhawk]
ku_painter Offline
Pixel Gangster

Registered: 02/21/05
Loc: Rockin a dial-up connection
I read where you guys are coming from with your advice, but none of these suggestions will work. B is actually an internal client. We are technically on the same team. We are supposed to work together as a team She doesn't work like this. All of these reasons are why I have resorted to idiotic acts of random annoyance. No way I want to actually talk to her all face to face and stuff.
_________________________
I listen to crappy indie music.

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#1252767 - 09/02/10 11:11 AM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: ku_painter]
RManFlint Offline
Wilt Chamberlain

Registered: 09/13/02
Loc: Korova Milkbar
Quote:

Come on gutter, this is serious business. How you gonna pull off farting on (into) the phone unless you physically hold the phone up to your ass. This is assume of course that you do not have some weird talent you have not told us about ?


Ask her if you can hold while you go empty your colostomy bag. Or maybe put her on speaker?
_________________________
No time for the old in/out. Just here to check the meter.

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#1252768 - 09/02/10 11:54 AM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: Geezer]
mushhawk Offline
Baby Jay

Registered: 09/02/05
Loc: State, Country
Quote:

Get the project finished as soon as you can and move on.


Surprisingly, I'm with Geezer on this one.
Much better than passive agressive 3rd grade tactics.
_________________________
"Sixty Percent of the time,...it works every time!"

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#1252769 - 09/02/10 11:56 AM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: mushhawk]
1985hawk Offline
Moderator-Retired

Registered: 04/24/03
Loc: Back here
I agree. You are obviously in a service function and the department you are dealing with is a much more important operating function. Making internal enemies is never a good thing for a career.
_________________________
The simplest explanation is usually the right one. Albert Einstein

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#1252770 - 09/02/10 12:16 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: RManFlint]
OREAD Offline
Crimson & Blue Blood

Registered: 03/29/05
Quote:

Or maybe put her on speaker?




Actually, that is a very good one. Putting someone on speaker (unless it's a conference call) is actually a condescending put down if the conversation is one on one. Means you can be easily dealt with while the other party is handling three other things at the same time. Someone at an escrow company used to do that to me and I could always hear people snickering in the background. When I started politely pointing out how she had dropped the ball, she QUICKLY took me off the speaker. This is the best suggestion yet, simple yet highly effective.

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#1252771 - 09/02/10 12:34 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: OREAD]
ku_painter Offline
Pixel Gangster

Registered: 02/21/05
Loc: Rockin a dial-up connection
So far OREAD is the only one who has offered me any good office ammo. The rest of you are making assumptions about my job.

Lets take 1985hawks response as an example: "You are obviously in a service function and the department you are dealing with is a much more important operating function" This couldn't be further from the truth. We are supposed to be on the same team and function as a team. Plus, when it comes down to it.....she started it. And finally, my department is superior. We have MS Paint and PowerPoint on our eMachines and her team doesn't. Her team only has Word Perfect and they don't have laptops.
_________________________
I listen to crappy indie music.

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#1252772 - 09/02/10 12:35 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: ku_painter]
RManFlint Offline
Wilt Chamberlain

Registered: 09/13/02
Loc: Korova Milkbar
Quote:

] [M]y department is superior. We have MS Paint and PowerPoint on our eMachines and her team doesn't. Her team only has Word Perfect and they don't have laptops.


Show her how yours go to eleven.
_________________________
No time for the old in/out. Just here to check the meter.

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#1252773 - 09/02/10 12:51 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: ku_painter]
OREAD Offline
Crimson & Blue Blood

Registered: 03/29/05
"Her team only has Word Perfect"

Oh geez! Even if they had the programs you do, they probably wouldn't know what to do with them. Many times in office settings, the only thing a less talented person can do is try to drag you down to their level. This one b!tch was always trying to do that to me. After I started politely correcting her grammar (noblesse oblige) as she was speaking (with others present), she backed off quickly and COMPLETELY.
_________________________
KANSAS RED LEGS, like the "Minute Men" of Lexington & Concord, never hesitated to meet the invader.

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#1252774 - 09/02/10 12:57 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: RManFlint]
hiker Offline
Baby Jay

Registered: 01/16/06
Quote:

Quote:

] [M]y department is superior. We have MS Paint and PowerPoint on our eMachines and her team doesn't. Her team only has Word Perfect and they don't have laptops.


Show her how yours go to eleven.




At my company (and most others I assume), that would quickly get you fired under our sexual harrassment policy. She may very well be impressed, though.

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#1252775 - 09/02/10 02:40 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: hiker]
RManFlint Offline
Wilt Chamberlain

Registered: 09/13/02
Loc: Korova Milkbar
If Painter goes to eleven he may want to consider a new career path.
_________________________
No time for the old in/out. Just here to check the meter.

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#1252776 - 09/02/10 07:43 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: RManFlint]
EllisWyatt Offline
Someone's Douchey Sock.

Registered: 08/19/10
Loc: Colorado
What is your objective? At this point, it doesn't sound like you are trying to solve an actual problem...

None of the juvenile, passive-aggressive tactics you've employed so far will accomplish anything except creating more animosity between you and the individual in question. If I worked in your office, I would lose a great deal of respect for you whether I felt your reasons for being annoyed with the other individual were valid or not. The fact that your "solution" to this problem is a tit-for-tat which simply wastes time and makes life difficult for your coworker would raise serious questions about your maturity and professionalism.

Most all of us are required to deal with difficult co-workers and customers...thankfully in my experience, in most business settings you simply work through it in a professional manner, sometimes enduring a great deal of aggravation, annoyance and other less-than-ideal conditions along the way. In a professional setting, a professional will maintain his composure regardless of the circumstances - that's just what the medium commands of us.

Pretend you're standing trial in a court of law...unless you're some kind of sociopath, you wouldn't "retaliate" against your attorney, opposing counsel or the judge, no matter how frustrating their behavior may become. You should treat your workplace in the same fashion...the kind of things you are doing are just not acceptable in the business arena...for ANY reason.

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#1252777 - 09/02/10 07:51 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: EllisWyatt]
Happy Birthday alexoobers Offline
Crimson & Blue Blood

Registered: 01/19/10
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#1252778 - 09/02/10 08:34 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: EllisWyatt]
ku_painter Offline
Pixel Gangster

Registered: 02/21/05
Loc: Rockin a dial-up connection
Quote:

What is your objective? At this point, it doesn't sound like you are trying to solve an actual problem...

None of the juvenile, passive-aggressive tactics you've employed so far will accomplish anything except creating a mildly entertaining thread on a message board that killed some time at work before the holiday weekend. Nice piece of fiction Painter. Well done.




fyp
_________________________
I listen to crappy indie music.

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#1252779 - 09/02/10 08:43 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: ku_painter]
EllisWyatt Offline
Someone's Douchey Sock.

Registered: 08/19/10
Loc: Colorado
Oh. It was a "joke." Got ya.

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#1252780 - 09/02/10 09:52 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: EllisWyatt]
KUHawkhead Offline
Wilt Chamberlain

Registered: 09/01/02
Loc: Mc to the Pherson
Okay...here's a couple suggestions on things I've done to co-workers....

If she works near you, come early and empty all but three of her staples EVERY morning. Hide/steal her pens. Hide/steal anything non obvious in her cubicle/office. Empty her printer of paper, or type "Service Printer Soon" in big fonts on a word document in the middle of a page, then randomly put three or four of these mixed in amongst her normal paper in the printer. When one comes out, she'll ask your IT guy for help and look like a dumbshhit. Steal/loosen the cord on her phone, so when she answers it when it's ringing, she'll pick it up and the cord is either gone, or not connected anymore. Visine (a full bottle) poured in coffee elicits no taste, but gives one explosive shats.

Just some ideas....and a reminder that you may NOT want to ever work with me.

RCJHKU!
_________________________
It's MISSOURI. We don't lose to them at home-Bill Self-2/25/2012

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#1252781 - 09/02/10 11:15 PM Re: office tactics ...I need suggestions [Re: ku_painter]
Hawklin Offline
Justin Ray Giddens

Registered: 03/27/05
Work over her shoulder after taking a hit or 2 of Jenkem.
_________________________
I'd sooner, except the penalties, kill a man than a hawk.

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